Primadonna Girl
by Glitter Poisoned My Blood
Summary: Chanel Oberlin learned how to be President of Kappa Kappa Tau from Serenity Queen, the original HBIC, and whoops - she's also the ARSENAL? / Black Comedy / OOC / Vulgar AOS x Sailor Moon x Scream Queens #SpoilerAlerts


This is a short black comedy featuring Sailor Moon, Grant Ward and Chanel Oberlin. Otherwise summarized as: "Chanel Oberlin had to learn to be a bitch from someone." Disclaimer: I am in no way bashing Greek Life. I'm a Greek and I think it's very rewarding. This story is completely OOC and AU. It takes place end of season 2, early season 3 of AOS and 2 years before Scream Queens.

* * *

"Send in the arsenal," Coulson said.

May veered back, "Is that wise?"

"Maybe not. But it's our only option to find Ward."

"You could let me get him," Hunter began in anger.

"You want revenge," said Coulson, "But we don't deal in revenge. We deal in justice."

"So call in the Avengers," said May desperately.

"What's the arsenal?" asked Mack.

"I second that question," Daisy interjected.

"A weapon, probably," said Fitz distractedly.

Coulson spoke to the AI, "Intiate A.R.S.E.N.A.L."

He then turned to his team. "Arsenal is a failsafe."

Bobbi's jaw dropped, "But-"

"We don't use arsenal for anything but manhunt missions."

"But Ward-" began Daisy.

"Douche," muttered Hunter.

"Wheels up in five," said May, taking initiative.

"Where are we even headed?" asked Fitz as the group rushed onto the plane.

"The bus," said Simmons.

"Yeah but-"

"We're going to end HYDRA before Ward can rebuild it," said Coulson, "And we're going to need to make a quick stop at Wallace University."

* * *

When Daisy knocked on a fifteen thousand square foot house's door using a golden doorknocker with the letters KKT embossed on the front, she wasn't sure what to expect.

Seconds later a larger woman with a maid uniform opened the door. "Can I help you?"

Coulson stepped forward, "We're here for-"

"Ah," said the kindly older woman, "We knew you were coming. Come in. Can I get you anything to drink?"

"A scotch," Hunter muttered.

"On the rocks?" the woman suggested.

Couslon gave Hunter a glare.

"She'll be down in a moment. We were expecting you weeks ago."

Daisy watched as a few girls walked by them in the sitting room, engrossed in conversation.

"Who does she even think she-" began the first.

"I know. That's what I said," replied the second as they walked out the door, "So I told her my dad could get her fired. Everyone has an Asian who takes tests for them. I felt so discriminated against."

Suddenly, they heard a clearing of a throat and all looked towards the grand staircase where a leggy, golden tanned, blonde woman stood with her arms crossed. She was in a asymmetrical midi skirt with a crop top that showed off the faint muscle of her abdomen. Over that she wore a fur vest. She descended the staircase with grace and indifference.

The girl looked at May before looked at Coulson, "I'm assuming you're S.H.I.E.L.D."

This wasn't who they were meeting?

"No," said the girl, "Come with me."

Skye realized she must have spoken out loud.

She led the group up the staircase towards a set of gold engraved KKT double doors at the end of the hall. She knocked and then threw them open.

Around her, Daisy wondered if this was what it was like to be _that_ girl. It seemed like this person had an entire apartment. There was a sitting room with a giant television, seating for at least ten and a set of pocket doors that were slightly opened revealing a King sized bed and a bathroom.

"Serenity?" the blonde called patiently.

"Dressing room," another bell-like voice answered, "Bring them in."

The group followed the girl through another set of double doors that seemed to be concealing a walk-in closet, if it could even be called that. Bobbi looked around, impressed by the amount of clothes. Everything was arranged perfectly by color and style with hundreds of pairs of shoes on the walls and bags hanging from a rack on the wall. In the center of the room was an island that seemed to house jewelry. There was a staircase off to the side that led up to another floor of the closet. Standing at the island with her one hand to her hip and the other tapping at the glass in front of her was a tall, thin, fair-haired girl with milky skin in a cream and coral Christian Siriano dress and a pair of Christian Louboutin strappy heels stood with her arms crossed and her eyes narrowed. Her eyes zoomed to Coulson.

From this angle, Daisy could see how pretty the girl was. Even though she had a severe expression on her face, with a brow angled up in displeasure she was gorgeous. Her eyebrows were thick and full, just like her lips, which seemed to be naturally a reddish-pink. Her skin was so pale that Daisy could see her veins throbbing under her skin. They looked like an almost unnatural blue-silver. But from close up, Daisy couldn't help but stare at her bright silver eyes.

"You must be Daisy," she said, "Daisy Johnson."

Daisy startled.

"Stop scaring her," said Coulson.

The woman – Serenity?- shrugged.

"What brings you to Kappa on this fine Tuesday afternoon?"

"Oh please," came another voice descending the staircase, "We know why they're here."

The voice belonged to an aristocratic girl in a black suit with red heels who flipped her long raven hair behind her shoulder and glared at the group with narrowed violet eyes.

"Rei, you know the rules."

Rei sighed.

"You didn't knock."

Rei sighed before slapping herself across the face.

"Good. Now get out."

The dark haired girl huffed and marched out of the closet.

"Now that she's gone," began the first girl.

Serenity smiled, contrasting with the severe French twist her hair was wrapped in and beckoned the group, "Follow me." She tapped the island in front of her, revealing a pad of letters in a foreign language where she entered a code quickly and the group watched as the 270 degree mirror directly behind them sank into the ground revealing a passage.

"All this in a sorority house?" Mack muttered, following the two girls down a set of stairs and past another door.

The lights turned on, revealing a massive room with state of the art technology and a few other girls who were chatting quietly in the corner.

"What the hell is going on?" asked Daisy in confusion.

The silver-haired woman whirled around, "Glad you asked."

"Skye-er-Daisy. This is Serenity Queen."

"That's all well and good, but where is this weapon? And why is the arsenal hidden in a sorority house at Wallace University?" asked Hunter.

Serenity snorted, "That's rich. You didn't tell them?" she asked Coulson, "Of course you didn't. Let me rephrase this. My name is Serenity Queen, aka the Arsenal."

"What!"

"Nope," said Mack, "Nope, nope, nope."

"That's right," said the woman, "I've been waiting for this moment. But I knew eventually you would call me to neutralize Grant."

"Wait a second-"

"Of course, I'm a bit surprised you did eventually come, Coulson. You know it's a conflict of interest."

Daisy narrowed her eyes in suspicion, "What do you mean, _conflict_ of interest?"

Serenity looked at Coulson again, "Do you not tell them anything?"

"Wasn't mine to share," he replied.

"Fair enough." Serenity shrugged, "Grant is my husband."

Hunter choked and Bobbi saw red.

"Coulson!" yelled Fitz in rage.

"Oh relax," said Serenity, "He's just trying to piss me off." She examined her nails, "When you've been married for over a millennia and your wife doesn't approve of cheating the next best thing to do with your time is ruin the lives of mortals."

"M-m-"

"Oh please," said Serenity, to Daisy's stuttering, "I'm a God. I've been alive since before you humans decided to infest Earth." She sighed, "At least Karl makes life a little better."

Daisy spun towards Coulson, "You cannot seriously be considering allowing this vapid sorority bitch to go after Ward."

Serenity narrowed her eyes, and moved to stand directly in front of Daisy. She looked at the girl with storm in her eyes. "Watch it. Grant's actions may not be proper. But he is my husband. And he is the God of War."

She turned towards Coulson, standing taller than him even without her heels and smiled, "I'll go. It's been a while since I've seen him."

She turned towards a tanned woman in the corner, "If you would, Trista."

Beside the woman, a deep portal opened, which Serenity alone went through. On the other side was a warehouse with hundreds of boxes stacked high. Directly in front of her was the man himself. Around him, men moved to grab their weapons.

"Don't fire!" Ward growled, "Drop your weapons."

Serenity smiled sweetly before gliding towards Ward and running her fingers down his chest. "Hey, babe," she said, "I like this shirt. Very manly," she insisted.

"Yeah?" he said.

"What the fuck?" whispered one of the HYDRA goons from the corner.

Ward glared at him and shot him in the head without a second thought, "Nobody disrespects my wife. Period."

"Babe," Serenity said, "You need to stop killing the humans. There are other things we could be doing. Like remember that time I let you put it in my ass?"

"Which time?" Ward growled.

"So, do you want to come home?" Serenity said, scratching her fingers under his shirt, "It's been forever. I miss you."

"Do you?" Ward asked.

"Yeah."

"How much?"

"I'll motorboat your cock."

Grant turned towards his men. "Hydra is disbanded. Kill each other."

"But sir-"

Ward's eyes turned red, "Kill. Each. Other."

And before their eyes they watched as the humans started shooting each other.

"Let's go before they ruin my dress."

The pair walked back through the portal where Ward came eye to eye with a group of very angry individuals.

"Babe," he said.

"Don't worry about it," she replied dismissively. Then she turned Coulson, "You know the deal."

"I'm not sure if that's a good idea," Coulson replied.

"What is going on? Why are we not shooting him?" Hunter asked.

Serenity gave a tight-lipped smile. "Grant will be staying with me for a while. You won't hear a peep from him, and I'll keep him on lockdown. At least for the next century or so."

"He's a murderer!" cried Skye, "He killed people!"

Serenity looked at Skye intently, "Please," she replied, "When you've been alive as long as we have, things like this happens. We get bored. When I get bored a drop a hundred grand on 5th Ave. When Grant gets bored he goes on killing sprees."

Jemma gaped, "But-"

Serenity rolled her eyes, "Listen. Sometimes these things happen. And we both know I'm not going to let you leave here with him in custody. How about you just trust me to take care of him, and you go back to fighting evil or whatever."

Coulson hesitated but as the members of his team cried out in outrage he silenced them, "If we catch wind that you've broken that deal, I'll freeze every one of your credit cards, put you on the no-fly list and destroy every single pair of shoes you own."

Serenity frowned, "That's harsh, but fine." She snapped her manicured fingers and a blonde haired girl in a feathered dress with pearls in her ears and her hair back in a neat half-up half down raced forward. "This is… What's your name again, pledge?"

"Chanel Oberlin, Miss Queen."

Serenity's eyes crinkled, "That's right," she replied in thought, "Anyways, Chance will lead you to the exit to make sure you leave."

"It's Chanel, Ma'am," the girl corrected in quiet terror.

Serenity looked at her in irritation, "Do I look like I care? Just get out before I put a Manolo in your eye."

When she didn't move, Serenity hollered, "Now!"

* * *

"Jesus, she's terrifying."

"I hate girls," said Skye.

"You are a girl," replied Fitz.

"Whatever," said Skye, "She's fucking crazy."

"Are you sure she'll keep Ward under control?" asked Mack.

"Did you see her?" asked Bobbi sarcastically, "She is the literal Head Bitch in Charge. She has him whipped."

"Bitch being the operative word," muttered May.

"Come on," said Coulson, "This place gives me creeps."

* * *

As soon as they were gone, Ward turned to Serenity. "So, that Chanel girl is cute."

"Is that her name?"

Ward shrugged.

"You can't have sex with our pledges, Grant," Serenity said as the two of them went back through the secret passage and into her closet.

"When is she no longer a pledge?" Ward asked.

Serenity scowled at him, "If you even think about cheating without my permission, I will have her skinned alive and then I will rip your penis off and shove it up your own ass."

"So," said Ward leaning in close, "Do I have your permission?"

Serenity took a big sigh and rolled her eyes, "If you get her pregnant, I will kill you."

"But first," Ward said, inching closer, and kissing her neck, "You said something about letting me titty-fuck you?"

"Yeah, yeah."

* * *

It's so bad, it's good.


End file.
